10.7

Every day I attempt to live with as little news as possible because it's simply what works for me. The amount of stress I take on from amped up reporters trying to make ratings is not worth my sanity. Especially when my sanity is needed to tend to life as a currently-solo mother. I do however search the news when my call is "missed". This is awful and the kind of thing one really shouldn't do. I am terribly fortunate that I receive relatively regular contact with my spouse while he is deployed. We normally enjoy daily talks even if they are only around 6 minutes long. Well, I missed my call last night. I have been trying to maintain tasks at home as well as the things in life that make me happy but that only lasts so long.  Of course it's not a great day in Afghanistan... it's the 10th anniversary of the war in fact. This is a day when I wish no call meant he was running late to get home or perhaps his phone simply lost it's charge... this is not the case. When I do not get calls its because something is wrong. While the chances of it being him are not good it still means someone is having a tough fight, is hurt, or has passed. Complete sorrow floods over me. 

My younger daughter has been breaking down crying this week at preschool as well. Simple reasons but out of character responses. After the many trainings as well as deployments away I now accept that this is a normal part of having a military child. There is no remedy...lots of hugs, holding her while she cries it out, and love are how we deal. Two seconds later she'll be skipping down the hall ready to dress up. I adore this about children. Youth and innocence are golden. I hope our children will hold on to these values for as long as possible.  I want our children to enjoy a life full of magic, wonder, and imagination. Far sooner than I'd like reality and life will step in... much like it has for me today.

I have felt in the past that making it was living every day with a good dose of denial... ignoring all that is going on and keeping it together. Today I'm choosing Peace. I will still eagerly await my call, we will decorate our porch for Halloween (one of my favorite holidays), and tonight will be our family movie night on the floor with popcorn. Today I will take a deep breath and accept that God has it covered, no matter what. I will pray... I will pray for strength and peace to our troops and for my husband. I will pray for the families... that I , as well as other military Mom's and Dad's, can find the strength and peace we need to make it today.  

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  - John 14:27